The
world we live in right now definitely has its funny bits, including the idea
that everybody needs “somebody”, or needs to find their “somebody” as soon as
possible. I sort of agree with the first bit in that I believe humans are naturally drawn to other people. Some people
may argue saying, “I hate being around people” or “I prefer being
alone”, but I like to think that these thoughts are the byproduct of bad
experiences or the preference to be left alone to enjoy personal activities
(i.e. hiding in your room to watch Netflix).
Anyways,
back to the point: the idea that everybody should always be searching for his
or her “somebody”. I graduated high school two years ago, but sometimes it
doesn’t feel as if I’ve really left. I mean, I have had some wonderful
experiences and I really do love college, but there are so many social aspects
that have translated themselves to this bigger scale that that it almost feels
as if I’m still there.
I
love my friends. But if I had a nickel for every time
I was made into a 3rd/5th/7th/9th
(yes, even ninth!) wheel, I'd be rich.
I mean, my wealth would probably be on par with the likes of Meg Whitman or J.K. Rowling. First it’s “Hey, let’s go bowling!”, “Hey, let’s go see that movie we were talking about!”, or “Hey, we’re going mini-golfing!” and then next thing you know it’s “Oh by the way, so-and-so is coming” or “Is it okay if so-and-so comes? He really wants to see this movie too!” Like I said, I love my friends but this can get tiring.
I mean, my wealth would probably be on par with the likes of Meg Whitman or J.K. Rowling. First it’s “Hey, let’s go bowling!”, “Hey, let’s go see that movie we were talking about!”, or “Hey, we’re going mini-golfing!” and then next thing you know it’s “Oh by the way, so-and-so is coming” or “Is it okay if so-and-so comes? He really wants to see this movie too!” Like I said, I love my friends but this can get tiring.
About
halfway through high school, more of my friends started “seriously” dating
(well, as seriously as you can date in high school). They invited me along to outings
because my job was to help keep them from becoming those girls, the ones whose lives revolved entirely around their
boyfriends. For the most part, I haven’t minded doing this because I wouldn’t
want to become that person either and I would want somebody to tell me if I was
turning into that.
Being
an extra wheel is not as bad as some people may make it out to be, but how do you handle these situations? Here are some tips and
other things to keep in mind if you ever find yourself in this situation.
Final Answer? Phone a Friend | If you know you may end up extra-wheeling it, try
to find another singleton to come hang out with you. I strongly suggest trying
to invite a person who isn’t already ensconced within your main group. Your
core group may be the ones you’re closest with, but when things start to pair
off a little, you have the perfect opportunity to develop a deeper friendship
and get to know this other person. I have plenty of acquaintances, but from a
networking standpoint, having even a slightly deeper connection is nicer
because people are typically more inclined to help people they feel closer to.
You Can Tease a Bit, But Don’t Whine | This is definitely an area where I warn you tread
lightly. As an extra wheel, you may have a license to make a few teasing
comments towards the couple (of course depending on how comfortable y’all are
with each other) but always keep in mind what you’re saying because you
wouldn’t want to say something out-of-hand or offensive. There is also a thin
line between teasing and whining, so be careful of that! You have chosen to
come along and stay for the ride, and everybody wants to have a nice time –
don’t ruin everybody else’s night by complaining.
Find Common Ground to Talk About | One of the most important things I have found in
being a wheel is to keep wheel moments to a minimum. Rather than trying to
force yourself into a conversation, try redirecting the topic to something
everybody in the party can talk about. If you can’t think of anything right at
the moment, ask light questions to feel out the general knowledge/interest in
various subjects from last night’s big game to what just happened on a popular
TV show. Commonalities not only make for better conversation, but you really
get to sneak a peek into other people’s personalities and how they think, which
ultimately helps you get to know them better.
Let the Beau Have a Chance | So you tagged along to get to know your best friend’s
significant other? Congratulations, you have earned another star for being an Ace friend. You want to give this SO the third degree, but that is probably the
worst thing you could do! It’s obvious that you care a lot about your friend,
but getting to know this new person in your friend’s life does not require you
freaking them out. Definitely keep your ears peeled for any red flags, but work
on just getting to know them like you would any other person. Keep hostile
feelings locked away and walk in with a fresh mind, your friend obviously saw
something in this person and they want you to see that too.
Give a Little Privacy | They are a couple/couples, and while this isn’t a
date (could be a group date?), it’s okay to give them a few minutes to themselves
by looking away, absorbing yourself in the menu, or going to the bathroom. But
notice that I said a little privacy.
They are out with you, which means they should remember to be considerate and
try to help you feel included in conversations. Don’t try to be the center of
the conversation, but show that you are an active participant in the night out.
Have you ever been an extra wheel?
What are things you do when you are?
xx
Catch you next time.
P.S. If you haven't heard of the guy in my title image, y'all need to check out his IG right now! He's basically a professional third-wheeler with three years of Instas to prove it.
