I try not to make this blog too heavy/too much about my personal life than it definitionally should be, but I'm about lay on the heavy a bit, so if this is something you prefer to skip over, feel free!
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Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? That it made you want to cry because of the simple idea that it wouldn't work out? Some people may think this only applies to personal relationships, but for good ol' try-hards like myself, this applies to more than just that.
I am a self-proclaimed "my heart is in everything I do"-er. Whatever I do, I do with everything I have within me: heart and soul. Ever since I was little, I remember hearing someone say "If you try, you're 50% of the way there. If you actually want it, you're at 99%. That last percent comes from people's opinions of you." And for some reason, I decided to believe it.
Lately, I've been feeling like trying to get that last percent is harder than a very unfit person like myself attempting to suddenly get up off my couch and run a 5K. It works for a little bit, might even get a few bursts of energy at first, but then your tank is empty and the pack has already left you eons behind. What do you do now?
Sometimes you go call your best friends to see if any of them aren't too busy because you don't want to take them away from their lives. Sometimes you walk up and down a single flight of stairs because you don't know what to do with yourself. And sometimes, you sit down, for once not giving a care about where you are, and you focus on breathing.
In a week (or maybe a few weeks), I'll probably put up a post about dealing with rejection and feeling like everything just isn't going right. Although a bit of a ways into the future, the timing is more true and accurate than many posts you'll probably read from a high percentage of bloggers and writers.
The fact of the matter is that "getting over it" takes time. Sometimes you need to pull yourself together in situations not conducive for getting emotional and upset, and most of the time it works just long enough to help you leave without a scene, but sometimes you can't help it and you run out of time.
Life giving me the big "Nope" is not exactly news - I've definitely heard it more than my fair share of times. That being said, however, doesn't make it hurt any less. When you put everything on the line, sometimes you place yourself into the delusion that your high risk will give you a high reward, rather than high risk may give you a high reward.
When talking to one of my friends earlier, I was reminded of the Serenity Prayer. This is one of the ideas I really do try to live by (key word: try), but sometimes everything coming at you from all around at a single time is a bit too much. Hopefully these words will help me get through this next week and a half.
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So in case you decided to TL;DR all of the above, or if you're looking for a takeaway, here it is: The goal is that when life decides to tell you "Nope", you tell it "NOPE" right back. It's not always as simple as it sounds, and you won't always be able to do it immediately, but you will eventually bounce back, and every once in a while you may find people who help saying "NOPE" that much easier.
xx
Catch you next time.
